Hello friends,

Here we are again on Dear Doodlebug Day! I am most very excited about today’s post! Do you want to know why? Not only because there are some extremely handsome photos of me included, but also because I finally get to talk to you about things that are not dog behavior! I had the most funs ever writing the answer to the first question below, so if you have other Important Advices needs that are not related to serious issues of dog behaviors, send ’em my way!

Here we go:

Dear Doodlebug, You and your brother always look so dapper laying on your Hawaiian print sofa. Does it make you feel like you are on the beach, digging for sand crabs and rolling in dead fish? How can I convince my dad to get one like that for me? I would like to look as handsome as you two and have such wonderful daydreams! XO, Dreaming of the Tropics

Dear Tropical Dreamer,

Thank you as always for the complements. However, I must clarify a few things about our The Dude Sofa. First of all, I don’t think that this is technically a Hawaiian print, as Hawaiian prints should have Hawaiian flowers on them, right? I am not sure because I am not a Hawaiian Shirt Museum Curator, but it seems to be so. And second of all, mama thinks it is important that I tell you that this sofa is our outside sofa, not our inside sofa. You may remember the Dora, which is our inside sofa. Mama says she would never be caught dead putting a non-Hawaiian print sofa inside the house (although I hope she never gets caught dead at all, personally). I don’t know why it’s important that I tell you this, but apparently it is. And third of all (this is the most important one of my points about the sofa), I want to point out that this sofa is the same as the sofa that my namesake, The Dude, had in his apartment in the Big Lebowski. How cool is that? Enthusiasts might recognize it, but for those of you who have not seen the Big Lebowski enough times to understand why I am named after it, there is a tiny corner of my sofa visible in this screenshot here. Pretty neat, eh?

But I digress. Our particular outside sofa was a special find on Craigslist, and as far as we can tell, the cushion covers were handmade by somebody and not The Dude Sofa manufacturer. So in order to get your own, you will have to learn how to sew very well with pipings and zippers, and I have to admit I do believe this would be pretty challenging without any supposable thumbs. As a second-best option, why not go for a Hawaiian shirt? Sometimes I wear my dad’s Hawaiian shirts since mama does not allow dad to wear them himself (although to be honest I do not prefer them because they are too long and loose around my middle, and sometimes I pee on them — don’t tell dad). Also, I have even seen a tutorial while surfing the Youtubes about converting a men’s shirt into a dog shirt. Wouldn’t that be neat? Or if –again– you’re not such a seamster or seamstress, maybe you could settle for one of these handsome dog Hawaiian shirts from the Amazon. I bet you’ll look just as dapper in one of those as I do on my The Dude Sofa!

XOXO, The Dude (who Abides)

PS – We are no longer allowed on our inside sofa the Dora (even though it is named after a dog), so if you have any ideas for how to get our mama to let us back up there, please tell them to us!

Dear ‘Bug, I mean this in the nicest and most admiring of ways, but you and your Chick seem pretty spoiled. Do you have any tips for how to get my people to spoil me better? Yours in admiration, Stella the Hungarian Vizsla Princess

Dear Hercegnő (I believe that is how you say “princess” in your motherland),

Let me ask you this: do you bring your mama her favorite flowers (tulips) and her favorite chocolates (any)? Maybe THIS is why we are treated so well!

But more serious-like. We have a very good life, yes. We get to go to work with our mama. We have our very own dog hammock in the back of the car. We eat the finest of kibbles and get treats of organic roast beefs, chicken skins, and other delicacies. We bask in the sunshine and snuggle under the covers. I get to go do agilidogging every week with my favorite teacher, Miss Patti. We have the most beautiful of dog collars, and a rotation of seasonal outfits that we don when the weather and mood are appropriate. We have nine dog beds in our house, and at least four blankets of our own. When mama and dad go away, we get to go to doggie camp where we are treated like kings. We have our very own blog, and sometimes people recognize us out on the street and come say hello. So yes, our life is good.

But are we spoiled? Not really. You see, Miss Princess, we have to work for everything. We never get anything by being pushy or demanding. We have strict house rules, and if we break them, we lose our privileges. Mama and dad expect a lot from us, you see. We get to go for walks, but only if we walk politely and follow the rules. We eat delicious kibbles, but only if we sit patiently until we are released. We get yummy snacks, but only out of puzzles that make our little brains hurt. We get plenty of pettings and cuddles, but only when we are relaxed and being polite. We get hand fed roast beefs, but only when we are in a very challenging situation, like teaching reactive dogs how to not be scared (Chick), or mastering agility weave poles (me), or learning to not stare rudely at tiny fluffballs (me again), or learning how to have our nails filed (my brother). If we break the “no barking at the door” rule, we go to time out. If we act funny and protective of a toy or a bed, that toy or bed disappears. If we act pushy and demanding, we get stone cold ignored — or worse — put in our room to calm down. If we act wild on our leashs, we go right back in the house and lose our walk.

In fact, when grandma comes to visit, she actually feels sorry for us and how non-spoiled we are. For example, she is always wanting to give us a scrap of food from the counter while she is helping with the human-cookings, or let us up on the Dora (which is Off Limits) to snuggle with her, and she gets very frowny and sad for us when mama says NO! We would get frowny and sad too, but Mama says the rules are important, and we trust her. After all — our life is pretty sweet!

Best of luck with your Princessness,

Prince Doodlebug the American Pit-mix