Dear Doodlebug: butt-nuggets, butt-snuggles, and hunting for pizzas

Sweet Doodlebug… Why is it that when we go to bed at night you decide it’s appropriate to put the “butt-end” towards our face?  -Janine

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Dear Miss Janine,

I must answer your question with a question: what is so wrong with snuggling up to a butt-in-the-face? We dogs do it with each other ALL the time. It started out as a little bit of a practical joke (“ha ha, butts on your face!”) but then it slowly became not-a-joke. Kind of like what happened with hipster clothes. We realized that butt-cuddling not only keeps us safe from the dreaded morning-breath, but it’s also a nice soft pillow upon which to rest our heads. In all honesty, we do this to you humans as a way of showing you our dedication, loyalty, and deep, deep love. So please enjoy! And wear a nose plug if you must.

XO, Doodlebug, President of the Hipster Butt-Cuddlers Club

Dear Doodlebug, If there is anything deliciously stinky laying around, I just have to have it. Especially…and this is the embarrassing part…my own poops. They make the perfect little snacks. I was wondering if you know what it is about my poops that make them so irresistible to me?  Super Cooper the Pooper Scooper

Dear Pooper-Cooper,

I am about to impress you with my Large Word Knowledges, so make sure you are seated. What you are having is the coprophagia. It’s such a common passion that it has its very own word! Doesn’t that make you feel quite relieved?

The other thing I am about to tell you is that your snacking delight is quite normal, even if your mama does think it’s gross. According to science-humans, there are a lot of reasons that dogs get all coprophagical. Sometimes dogs eat butt-nuggets because they’re bored, other times because they’ve been punished in the past for going in the wrong spot. I have heard that some puppy mill babies or dogs who were kept in very tight quarters are more likely to coprophagitate. Another common reason is low-quality diet.

If you are not already, switch to a high-quality food with no fillers like corn, wheat, and soy, and no chemical additives. Some dog-scientists think that because lower-grade kibbles contain a lot of non-digestibles, they taste pretty similar on both ends of the dog, if you know what I’m saying. I have also heard that you can have your foster mama add things to your kibbles that may change the PH in your butt-nuggets and make them seem less yummable. She can try pieces of pineapple, cooked spinach, or one of the commercially-available additives (but make sure she reads the label to make sure they are not full of chemically ickiness).

Outside of diet, stopping your snacking habit is going to take some hard work from your people — always cleaning up right away after you go to the Drop Zone, never reacting in any way or making a big deal if you do capture a delicious butt-nugget, and making sure you are getting plenty of exercise and mental stimulation.

Best of Luck, Doodlebug who prefers kibbles to dog butt-nuggets, but will raid the kitty litter box with no hesitation at all.

Dear Doodlebug, We would like very much to know how you managed to get your very own secretary.  We thought we were cleverer dogs (because we can always find the leftover pizzas) but finding our own secretary has alluded us. If we could tell our secretary what to do, maybe it would keep one of us busy during the day so we don’t go looking for the pizzas. Please help, Lily (the pizza-finder) & Cooper (the accomplice)

Dear Team of Greatest Cleverness:

Ok, I will tell you my secret for finding my own secretary, but only after you tell me how you found the pizzas. I have always dreamed of finding the pizzas but this mystery has alluded me and my brother so far. In the photo below, you can see me pizzas-hunting in the tall grass. I will tell you that I do not know where the pizzas are, but I am pretty sure they are not hiding in the tall grasses of our yard. 

Chickerdoodle-120312-43We have had much better luck with finding the yummables in the laundries and finding the kitchen garbage, which was Great Fun the one time I got to play. Chick says he has found the garbage many times in the past, but he and I only got to do it once together before mama and dad gave up and bought a Smarter-Than-Dog trash can. Although our dumpster-diving days were over, we secretly high-fived over how many clevers we must have, making them have to surrender to the World of the Fancy Trash Can. Also, Chick has much luck in finding the little bits of treats left over in mama’s jacket and pants pockets. What he does NOT have luck at is removing the bits of treats through the prepared pocket opening, so he normally does this surgically, using his tooths. It is an effective technique and I love watching him perform these procedures on mama’s clothes, but I must admit mama does not look too impressed when she comes home and finds these new post-surgical features in her clothings. Apparently Chick has not yet perfected his stitching skills. 

Anxiously awaiting pizzas, Duder

Dear Doodle, A while ago, I started to notice that other dogs would sometimes leave their smell on stuff…you know like fire hydrants, fences posteds, chairs, things like that.  One day at the dog park I decided to mark mama’s jeans leg.  Then, what really sent her over the top was the day I marked one of my dog friend’s dad on his jeans.  Mama says I have a problem, but I really think this is not a problem.  Signed, One Confused Canine, Jake

Dear Improper Pee-er, 

I am not sure about jeans legs, but here is what I have learned IS okay to pee on:

  • grasses, trees, shrubs
  • dead things in the road
  • other people’s car tires
  • my brother’s head if he is taking too long with his peeings
  • the sign some of our neighbors have that shows a dog going #2 with a “NO!” underneath it

And here are the things that I am not sure, but I am starting to get the idea that it is NOT okay to pee on:

  • agilidog equipment
  • the porch furniture
  • the cedar posts that hold up our back porch
  • our neighbor-dog Abby, who barks at me through the fence
  • mama’s car tires

I admit, I am pretty stumped about jeans legs. Human rules of okayness are very confusing to us dogs, I know. But if your mama gets Very Upset when you do the jeans-peeings, maybe you should not do them? Surely there are plenty of other things at the park to pee on . . . like fences and grasses and other dogs and legs that are not wearing jeans.

Good luck to you, the Proper Pee-er

Dude, My Dad thinks my collar, with all it’s glowing pinkness, is too tight. My Mom thinks it’s just right. Please give Mom and Dad some advices about how to properly fit my collar so they can quit fussing about it. Yours, Karly the Girly Rottie

Dear Karly of the Pinkest Fashion and Fame,

I’m going to go ahead and guess that your collar is too tight. Usually if a person is worried about that, it is So. This is what I have learned. My brother and I have flat buckle collars from Paco Collars, and we wear those to show off our handsomes and also to keep our infos for when we meet fine ladies who want our digits. For this type of collar, you should be able to fit two regular-sized human fingers in between the collar and your neck. It should look like this:

Chickerdoodle-120807-3And for our walkings, we add a martingale collar — sometimes our very special, posh, and rotating collection of Sirius Republic collars, and sometimes just regular nylon collars. For those, you should also be able to fit two regular-sized human fingers in between the collar and your neck — when it is fully tightened

Best of luck in your fashion pursuits,

Your Clothes-Horse Bug

Dear Doodlebug, My momma says me and my brother and sister are spoiled. Whatever that means. We have lots of fun toys. Kongs, stuffies, bouncy ball toys, and even handmade special just for me toys. Is it possible for a super awesome dog like me to have too many toys?  Should we be good boys and girl and put our toys away or just make momma do it? I mean she’s the one buying all these goodies for us. What are your favorite toys and does you momma make you put your toys away?? -Seriously Spoiled aka Buddy

You Lucky Dog,

Please send your address. I’m coming to live with you! Can you believe that at our house we have NO toys left out at all? In fact, we don’t even have any toys of any kind — all of the toys belong to mama and dad, and they share them with us when we have been very good boys. But we have to earn it!Wait a minute . . . Come to think of it, actually, maybe it’s good that we don’t have toys left out all the time. I think maybe I would worry about them if I had to always be keeping track. This way they are put away, they come out when it’s playtime (and playtime is always VERY exciting since we haven’t seen the toy-of-the-moment in HOURS or DAYS), and they get put away in a basket far away when mama decides we’re done. I guess it’s not so bad!Also as a bonus, all the toys belonging to mama and dad makes mama and dad seem even cooler than they already were before. We are always paying attention and willing to do whatever they ask because we never know when it might become snack time or playtime!

XO, Unspoiled in Austin

PS- my favorite toys are rope toys, which are fun for tugging with my brother, and my red bumper toy, which is funnest for the fetchings!

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9 responses

  1. Dear Doodlebug, thank you for letting me know about the poops-eating habit of many dogs. My dog Moonpie tends to do this, and as a mother who is trying to raise a lady-dog with manners, it can be unsettling. You are so wise! Keep up the good advice!

  2. Cooper & Lily forgot to say thanks for answering their most important life question… Sort of 🙂 Our best clue to the pizzas is a big, square box — look for that next time! Also it smells like heaven. Crossing our paws for Chick to learn stitching soon!

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